Masters Degrees are so overrated…
Hello all:
As many of you are aware….I’ve been thinking about going back to school to study church history and theology…
But, I decided that instead of racking up thousands of dollars in student loans like some of my fellow bloggers out there that are attending seminary, maybe I should just do it the easy way.
Instead of toling away for a year or two for my M.Div, why not just click my mouse a couple of times, fill out my name and address on a form, and poof! now I can perform weddings and funerals and baptisms and absolve the sins of all my friends and family…
It might be cool to know about the 2,000 years or so of church history and Christian theology, but it might be much cooler to charge $250 a pop to sign a marrage license and to say a couple words about how solemn marriage is.
Then again, maybe I’ll just ordain my cat instead.
-Clarke
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If you’d like to get ordained now, without waiting or giving out your name or address, and have the certificate ready to print now…click here
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January 31st, 2006 at 5:23
What have I been doing!?! I only did this so I could make some extra cash at weddings. Who knew I could have done it the easy way! Thanks for telling me now, 4 years too late.
By the way, you might toil away for a year or two on an MDiv, but you won’t finish it in much less time than 3 years (that’s considering you go full time and do some summer classes too).
January 31st, 2006 at 5:28
I guess I should add, too, for those out there desiring to get a Masters Degree for preparation for ministry, that there are very few of our churches who even know what a MDiv or an MA is, let alone respect and desire that degree in their ministry candidate. If a church’s ad for a new minister says they would like someone who has a Bachleor’s Degree in Bible, or a Preaching School equivalent, then you can bet they have no clue what an MDiv is.
Sadly, in our churches, the only real “preparation for ministry” one needs in order to be hired is to have been born a male, to have convinced a woman to marry you, and to have convinced that woman to have sex with you, resulting in conception. Oh, that and 5 years experience.
January 31st, 2006 at 6:25
If you ordain the cat and he goes to the elders and deacons meetings we might see a church cat fight. Not a good idea
January 31st, 2006 at 7:45
Hey Clarke,
Back when I was religion editor of The Daily Oklahoman, I became an ordained minister for $29.95. Here’s what I wrote about it:
You can call me ‘Reverend’
The Daily Oklahoman
May 12, 2001
Author: Bobby Ross
Estimated printed pages: 2
THOSE who watched me sweat and stutter my way through my college speech class may not believe it, but I am now an ordained minister!
It says so right there on the certificate with the official gold seal: “Reverend Bobby Ross.”
My license from the Universal Life Church in Billings, Mont., came with a note that said, “Thank you for your purchase and God bless.”
The best part: This high honor cost me only $29.95.
That’s about the same amount Judas Iscariot accepted to betray Jesus Christ, as my friend Glover Shipp pointed out.
Perhaps, though, Shipp is looking at this the wrong way. He’s assuming that anyone who offers to make you a “LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER in 48 hours!!!!” is a scam artist.
On the other hand, think of all the good I can do now.
I can perform funerals and baptisms. I can forgive sins and visit correctional facilities. I can even start my own church.
Of course, I can do all of those things without a license.
But I couldn’t marry someone. In Texas, your pet hamster can perform a wedding. But before you help someone say “I do” in Oklahoma, you must file credentials with the county clerk.
“Since I know how much you want to help others, you’re going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100,” Universal Life minister Charles Simpson’s e-mail said. “Not even $50. You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.”
Wow. Talk about a bargain.
When I was in sixth grade, my mom worked long hours waiting tables at a Waffle House to help support our family as my dad pursued his Bible degree. As Dad worked to become a Church of Christ minister, he attended classes during the day and sloshed boiling grease at a fish-and-chips place at night.
I remember how excited I was the day Dad donned his cap and gown. I can’t wait to tell him my wonderful news. He’ll be so proud!
Or maybe not.
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the only one who realizes what a blessing I have received - er, bought.
Take Don Lanier at Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa. “Churches,” he told me, “are not convenience stores where a person can pop in, grab what she/he needs at the moment and then buzz off.”
Terri Miller, who earned her doctorate in education the old-fashioned way, wasn’t any more supportive.
“Hmmm, I rather enjoy knowing that ministers have at least studied (A) the Old and New Testaments or (B) the Torah or (C) some form of religious writings,” Miller wrote in an e-mail.
At least my friend David Tichenor offered his congratulations.
He did have one question, though.
“Didn’t this offer include some steak knives?
January 31st, 2006 at 11:10
Some folks have been drinking too much grape juice ;->
Alan